Learning to Love the Skies I’m Under

I will learn to love the skies I’m under

Why did God tell me to start writing a blog?  I hate the way I feel when I say I posted something new… Will anyone read it? Will anyone relate? What will they think? Will they actually like it? Or will they hate it and tell me they like it? Sigh. And now we’ve joined Facebook. I’m not sure what I’m thinking!

I have friends who are doing so well in life, and I feel stuck. They are running businesses, opening stores, teaching the little children of the world. I love my friends, and I’m truly so happy for them. I just start thinking: What am I doing? How am I changing the world?  I’m absolutely thankful I get to stay home, but I’m struggling to find where I fit right now. I hate the way I compare myself to them and let those nasty voices tell me that I’m not good enough, pretty enough or smart enough to be successful. Through this blog, I want to empower the people of this world to be more than they are. Yet I don’t feel like I’m living up to that. I feel stuck. Blocked. Defeated. A hopeless wanderer.

Maybe God is working on me in a different way. I don’t have a thousands of followers, and I don’t get a lot of likes when I post something… Why do I even care about that?! It drives me insane, yet when I’m on social media that’s all I can think about. How do I get away from that? I’m always thinking about how to put my blog out there without getting caught in the social media comparison trap. So many days I just want to delete our social media, but then I think there’d be no one to read our blog! And I do like connecting with friends and people I might never meet in real life. Oh Satan, the father of lies! Get outta here and stop this comparison trap nonsense.

I think God is just teaching me a different kind of lesson here that isn’t about likes and followers and blog “success.” God always shows up in different ways than we expect, and I always want to make sure I’m clear that I just want Him to be glorified. He’s the one who gave me this idea to begin with!

But…here I am, feeling like David. When I feel stuck, a good place to turn is Psalms. David shows us that life is tough. Emotions are real. And God comes through – every single time. How many of you have felt like this? Have you asked, “God, where are you? I need you!” You, my friend, are not alone.

Psalm 13

^1-2 Long enough, God—
    you’ve ignored me long enough.
I’ve looked at the back of your head
    long enough. Long enough
I’ve carried this ton of trouble,
    lived with a stomach full of pain.
Long enough my arrogant enemies
    have looked down their noses at me.

^3-4 Take a good look at me, God, my God;
    I want to look life in the eye,
So no enemy can get the best of me
    or laugh when I fall on my face.

Perhaps God wants us to connect. Me and you. One day, I’m sure I will look back and laugh and say, “God, you knew all along I needed to meet this special person or hear the story about how you used me as a messenger for a specific purpose.” For now, I hope you’re reading this and finding some truth and good news in the midst of the rain.

Until I meet you, my special friend, I will learn to love the skies I’m under.

*Update* Less than 24 hours after writing this: I began searching the Instagram hashtag #cancersucks because my dad is plagued again with this battle. I’m humbled. Here I am complaining about a comparison trap on social media while people are struggling with losing their hair, losing their strength, and even losing their kids. Oh Lord, thank you for waking me up from my selfish place and bringing me back to reality where I can be a change maker. I began praying for each face I saw and sending a little love their way. Those people who put themselves out there during their struggle shine so bright. They radiate realness.

Thank you, #cancersucks people for opening my eyes to something bigger than myself.

You inspire me.